At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
