does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
