you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
