No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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