My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
