i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
