I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
