my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
