I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
