So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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