You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
