and next time when you feel me up, do it right
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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