Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
