if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
