How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
