He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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