its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
