ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
