So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love having hate sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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