what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love having hate sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
