I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
