Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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