my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
