Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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