I need to stop coming to work sober
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
