and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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