Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
