I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
3pm strippers are depressing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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