I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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