She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she peed on how many people?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
