I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
