Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
