My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
