I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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