She is in my trunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
