you turned your livingroom into a bong?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
