im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
