Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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