I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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