i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
