You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
