even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
