There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
