Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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