they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
