we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
