It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
