Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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