Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
