I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
