I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
