we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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