i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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