the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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